Finding rest in the Remembrance of Allaah

Bismillaah

I was two years old when my brother was born. My brother (may Allaah allow him to take shahadah before his death) was born with a heart condition and the day after my mom had him he had to go into the surgery room for open heart surgery. He had a total of five surgeries through his childhood.

It was so painful for me to see him with all those tubes that penetrated his small body. Even in the later surgeries, he was still so small and it hurt to see him laying there, in pain and so weak. What hurt even more was abandoning him in the hospital when it was time to go home. I was in the back seat and I would just stare at the huge hospital building as it disappeared in the distance and then I would start crying. Here I was so young but yet I wondered if I would get another opportunity to see my brother alive.

He did get better over time and he is still alive now at the age of 18. However, he is starting to feel alot of pain and his health isn’t that great and it scares me that he could go without taking his shahadah. Ya Rabbi…

I remember that he went through a part of his life where his nose constantly bled. He would wake up in piles of blood and the blood just wouldn’t stop flowing. My mom would cry and try everything in her power to help him until it would stop. I was always so scared for him and the thought of losing my brother scared me so much. Sometimes he would cough up blood and almost choke on it and subhaanallaah it was just sooo frightening.

On to my mother… but first a little info on Anemia. The normal range for hemoglobin level ranges from 11.0-15.0. Anything lower signifies that one is suffering from Anemia. There are different causes for Anemia, different levels of seriousness and different treatments for each.

Well, after my mother had my sister (her 5th child) she started to feel very sick and started to lose her color. My mom has dark skin (looks mexican totally) and for a while she was this nasty pale yellow. Sometimes I would find her in so much pain and she felt like she was dying. We didn’t know what it was but due to her symptoms it was pretty obvious. The thing was that she wouldn’t go to the doctor. She suffered from Anemia due to blood loss. When we found out that she anemic, they told her that her hemoglobin level was a 6. That basically meant that she could have developed Leukemia and eventually died.

She went in for a blood transfussion but within 2 months time she was worse than before the transfussion. I remember the stress my mother was going through and I was scared out of my mind. I tried everything I could to think about other things that could remove the thought that my mother could die anytime. I tried to keep busy but it was hard to ignore the reality of death.

One day she went in for a check-up and she was advised that getting a hysterectomy was the best thing for her and she did just that. Ever since she’s never been anemic again, alhamdulillaah but now my grandma (her mother) is on the brink of death. She is so scared and is in so much pain because she can’t stand to see her mom, who suffers from cancer, going through this.

Not many months ago, my uncle also died. My mom was so out of it. The last time they spoke they got caught up in an argument because of his bad ways and one day she gets a call that my uncle got ran over and died on the spot. By Allaah, it was soo hard to talk to my mother during that time.

Then there is my father…I know that he suffered from a partial stroke but he never really checked himself out so we don’t know for sure. One morning he just woke up and his side (I forget which one) was paralyzed. He went to his pharmacist across the border to get a prescription and that was it. He doesn’t really care to go to the doctor but I just am so afraid that he will go anytime as well…. O Allaah guide my family

Other deaths or near death experiences… My cousin also died from cancer. I also remember when our front neighbor came running to our house, in tears and told us that her husband had a stroke while driving and crashed and died. They had a few kids and gosh how much did that hurt to see.

I also remember that one morning I was awoken - when we lived with my in laws. It was a hard knock on my bedroom door and my husband’s father’s wife told me that my husband was in the hospital. He had suffered from an allergic reaction to something at work (years ago now) and he had collapsed and stopped breathing. He had to be given CPR and I remember the fear that overcame me. I was pregnant with Layth and I just made du`aa’ all night for him. He came home in the weakest condition I had ever seen him in and once again the reminder of death came and how petrifying it was.

Then we dealt with my husband’s step dad’s death and just recently my husband’s father almost died. SubhaanAllaah, to Allaah we shall return.

It is the scariest of any trial within this dunyaa’. May Allaah guide us to prepare for it, aameen

I know that remembering death is actually a blessing because it causes you to look at your deeds and repent and look at what truly matters in this world, but forgetting it sometimes is such a mercy from Allaah.

Mutarrif ibn `Abdullaah said,

“If I knew when my life would end, I fear that I would lose my mind. Allaah has granted His slaves the favor of forgetting death, otherwise, they would not enjoy life or erect marketplaces.”

He also said,

“Death has spoiled the life of those who indulge in delight, so seek a delight (in Jannah) that does not end by death.”

How heavy it is on the mind and on the heart.

Hasan al-Basri (radhiyAllaahu `anhu) said,

“Death has exposed the reality of this life and did not leave delight to be felt by those who have sound minds.”

The Prophet (sallAllaahu `alayhi wa sallam) said:

“Every person who dies will feel sorry. If the deceased was a good doer, he will be sorry he did not perform more good, and if he was an evil doer, he will feel sorry he did not desist evil.”

I need to fix myself man. All of this is just too much to live a wasted life on. Like a sister said on another blog - imagine that we go through so much suffering in this life but not work towards the aakhirah and thus we end in the hellfire? It isn’t worth going through all of this and lose both worlds. By Allaah, it is not…

“O son of Aadam! sell your current life for your latter life, and you will win both. Do not sell your latter life for this life, for you will lose them both. The period of stay is short, and the righteous ones went away before you, so what are you waiting for? Do you wait your turn? By Allaah, it is about to come, and then the latter one will join the former ones among you.” [Hasan al-Basri]

A painful article to read. May Allaah facilitate the affairs of the Muslims and grant this father and his family the highest level of Firdaws, aameen

March 13 — Sitting and eating quietly on his father’s lap, the 18-month-old was oblivious to the infection in his veins.

A farmer, holding his 18-month-old son, as he was tested for H.I.V. in Kabul, Afghanistan’s capital. The boy had previously tested positive.

But his father, a burly farmer, knew only too well. It was the same one that killed his wife four months ago, leaving him alone with four children. The man started to cry.

 “When my wife died, I thought, well, it is from God, but at least I have him,” he said. “Then I learned he is sick, too. I asked if there is medicine and the doctors said no. They said, ‘Just trust in God.’ ”

The father of the infected 18-month-old said his village mullah had never talked about AIDS. Nearly a year of tests on the father have found no H.I.V., and the older children are clear, but his smallest child tested positive at 10 months. “The doctor asked me a lot of questions — did you have an operation, did you have illegal sex?” he said. “But I knew I was a Muslim, and I don’t have illegal sex, and I trusted my wife, too. So then he said it was from her operation.”

Six years earlier, his wife lost a baby and had several transfusions in Pakistan. After she became sick and was found to be infected, “I told the family her blood was not good and to avoid eating with her,” he said. “And I tell them not to kiss the child.”

When he was told he could indeed kiss his son, he burst into tears.

“I don’t know what to do,” he said. “I have sacrificed so much since my marriage. I mortgaged half my land to pay for her medical care.”

The father can do little for his son but keep his secret. There are no AIDS treatment centers in Afghanistan, only a single confidential clinic in the capital that just monitors the disease, and no antiretroviral drugs are available.

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Handhalah al-Usaidi said:

Abu Bakr (radhiyAllaahu `anhum) met me and asked, ‘How are you, Handhalah?’ I replied, ‘Handhalah has become a hypocrite.’ He said, ‘Subhanallaah! What are you saying?’ I replied, ‘When we are with Allaah’s Messenger (sallAllaahu `alayhi wa sallam), he mentions the Fire and the Garden until it is as if we can see them. But when we leave the Prophet’s company and play with our wives and children or busy ourselves with our properties, we forget much.’ Abu Bakr said, ‘By Allaah, I have experienced the same thing.’ He and I then went to visit the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu `alayhi wa sallam), and I said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, Handhalah has become a hypocrite.’ He asked, ‘And how is that?’ I replied, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, when we are with you, you talk about the Fire and the Garden until it is as if we can see them. Then we go out and play with our wives and children and deal with our properties, and we forget much.’

The Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu `alayhi wa sallam) then said,

‘By Him in Whose hand is my soul, if you were to continue at the same level at which you were when with me and in remembering Allaah, the angels would shake hands with you when you are resting and when you walk about, but, O Handhalah, there is a time (for this) and a time (for that).’

He repeated this phrase three times.

[Reported by Muslim]

Bismillaah

Today was one of those days where we just felt down. I suppose it started when one of our plans didn’t work out the way we had intended - Qadr Allaahu wa maa shaa’a fa`al. I had my hopes pretty high that we would finally be able to do a certain thing but for the 2nd time Allaah planned otherwise. I don’t want to take it as a sign that we shouldn’t partake in this certain thing because it may be good for us and a test on our patience but I admit that I felt pretty ‘blah’ afterwards.

I turned to my husband and asked him if we could go to a certain restaurant and get some mango lassi. So we went, bought some and drank them and it felt really good. It lifted us for a while but it didn’t feel like ‘enough’. So we then started talking while in the car about animals and we started discussing birds because for a while we have been wanting to get some birds but have been putting it off. I guess that’s one of the things that fills that emptiness we feel sometimes.

The list of pets we’ve owned/own is getting larger. Unfortunately, some of our pets have died and that has been even more depressing but our journey still continues.

Our journey (since we’ve been married) started with a cat but we had to give him up. It continued with fish and it continues with fish and upgrades to our fish tank. We moved on to getting a small black hamster but unfortunately he passed. We then moved to a rabbit. Well something happened to our poor rabbit and so we ended up getting a cat again. I got pretty bad allergies (even though I’m used to cats) and our apt was too small to handle his activities and the closeness of his litter (even though it had a top and all) so we gave him up for adoption. We decided to then get another hamster and she’s lasted us a while now. But today, I suppose we needed something else and so our journey now moves onto birds, in particular a Cinnamon Cockatiel. 

Masha’Allaah it’s very cute and its chirping really is uplifting. And though it is still frightened, it makes us feel really good to watch it and try to make it feel comfortable with us. It’s amazing how these little creatures can bring so much joy to our life and though it sucks that filling the void isn’t that cheap, it really works for us.

I suppose everyone has a way to deal with their sudden crash.

Bismillaah

In order to attain true love ['ishq haqiqi] for Allaah, the following principles must be established:

Sincere Yearning [Talab]

The foremost condition of attaining love for Allaah is to sincerely crave such love. A person may acquire the material world [dunyaa] passively, but true love ['ishq] is a treasure; therefore it cannot be acquired unless one actively seeks it.

I am humbled by my abaseness, and in awe of Your exaltedness,

Yet, what can I do of my heart, still it desires to reach You.

A person may be made of dust and earth, yet far does his gaze travel when he desires the countenance of the True Beloved.

Where is this [lowly] heart, that it may desire to attain the Beloved?

Where is the King of the beautiful? And how far are we?

When a person sits to remember Allaah, but discovers his heart full of heedlessness and neglect, he should recite the following prayer to himself:

O Beneficient One, have grace upon me, I am in great agony,

I am sitting before You, yet still I remain veiled.

A person must make firm intention in his heart to acquire true love for Allaah and must be prepared to sacrifice everything for this goal.

To be continued… insha’Allaah

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* Get one year’s subscription for £5.99/ $11.95 (usual price £9.99/ $19.95) Offer ends 31st March 2007

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Sister Na`ima B. Robert, author of ‘From My Sisters Lips’ will officially be launching Sisters Magazine at the end of this month, bi’ithnillaah. I had the chance to speak to the sister myself and I must say she has wonderful goals that she hopes to accomplish through this magazine. I am not sure what this subscription offers, but I am hopeful that it will bring about benefit for us, insha’Allaah.

قَالَ رَسُولُ الله : لَيسَ مِنَّا مَن لاَ يَرحَمُ صَغِيرَنَا وَيُوَقِّرُ كَبِيرَنَا وَيَأمُرُ بِالمَعرُفِ وَيَنهَى عَنِ المُنكَرِ 

The Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu `alayhi wa sallam) said,

“Whoever fails to care for our youth, respect our aged, enjoin right, and denounce wrong is not counted among us.” [Imaam Ahmad]

قَالَ رَسُولُ الله : قُلِ الحَقَّ وَإن كَانَ مُرّاً

The Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu `alayhi wa sallam) said,

“Speak the truth even though it be bitter.” [Ibn Hibbaan]

[Taken from: The Content of Character]

Bismillaah

I was reading from the book called,  The Five Schools of Islaamic Law - which is a book that summarizes the opinions of all of the 4 madhahib along with the Ja`fari school of thought, on issues from taharah (purification) to inheritance and so on. Some of the opinions are very interesting.

The Person Giving Ghusl (Ghāsil): 

It is wājib that the ghāsil and the maghsūl (the dead person being given ghusl) belong to the same sex: men should give ghusl to men and women to women.

The Imāmi, Shāfi`i, Māliki and Hanbalī schools consider it permissible for either husband and wife to give ghusl to the other on death.

The Hanafīs say: It is not permissible for husband to give ghusl to his wife because her death dissolves the marital bond. The wife, however, can give ghusl to her dead husband because she is in her `iddah; i.e. the marital bond that exists in relation to her while it is non-existent in relation to the husband.

If she dies after his divorcing her and the divorce is irrevocable, there is consensus that neither of them can give ghusl to the other.

But if it is a revocable divorce, the Imāmis allow either of them to give ghusl to the other. The Hanafīs and the Hanbalīs observe: Such a wife can give ghusl to the dead husband not vice versa. The Mālikis and the Shāfi`is state: Neither of them may give ghusl to the other. Moreover, they do not differentiate between a revocable and an irrevocable divorce.

The Imāmis allow a woman to give ghusl to a boy of under three years, and allow a man to give ghusl to a girl of less than three years. The Hanafīs permit up to four years and the Hanbalīs up to seven years. The Mālikis observe: A woman can give ghusl to a boy up to the age of either years and a man can give ghusl to a girl of two years and eight months.

—–

I don’t know the arguments or proofs for these opinions as of now but didn’t `Ali (radhiyAllaahu `anhu) wash the body of Faatimah (radhiyAllaahu `anha)? My husband also mentioned to me after I mentioned this to him, ‘Don’t you still call your wife by ‘wife’ after her death?’

Just some thoughts!

Bismillaah

I didn’t know my post would get so much attention. Honestly, all I wanted was to vent. I felt the need to post at 3 a.m that morning because so many thoughts ran through my head at that time. I could have just written it in my small journal that I carry around but instead I decided to post it on my blog. I knew some would read it. I also posted it on themureeds website but I only posted it there because I wanted something worth writing as my first post… and yeah I feel that my post was worth writing.

Now that I read comments, emails and other people’s blogs I feel kind of strange. Strange because I didn’t want it to turn into a whole salafi vs sufi thing. I didn’t even want to have to defend my reasons. I don’t feel I should. But now I feel like I have to but still I won’t.

The only thing that I am dissapointed about really is that my post ended up on a blog with the title, from salafi to sufi. Why? Well… firstly, I didn’t title it such. Secondly, it makes my words seem lame.

My post wasn’t about 2 groups. My post was about the state my heart and issues that have affected it. If I had wanted to make it an issue of 2 groups, I would have. However, I didn’t. I really don’t care about salafis nor sufis. They are a bunch of individuals who are trying to cling to a methodology but who aren’t free from mistakes. I have a lot of issues with many salafis and sufis who claim to be upon a manhaj, but yet their attitudes show otherwise. Why would I care about groups of people who are probably in the same state as me, if not worse?

It is for that reason that I request the brother who posted it on his blog, with that title, to remove it, for the sake of Allaah. I have read the comments and many of them are just pathetic comments by people who need to grow up. I don’t want to be part of a silly game.

Also, to those people that emailed me for naseeha… I apologize but my post was pretty clear. I am the one in need of da`wah and because of that, I am not the right person to come to for naseeha in these matters. If you need some naseeha for your own heart, remove yourself from those people that are harming your deen and then go to a scholar to help you.

Remember that the goal of tasawwuf is:

complete submission to the shariah and sunnah in order to attain purification of the heart and soul and to develop a true, deep, and lasting connection with Allah .

May Allaah forgive me and all of you, aameen

 

When I first accepted Islaam, I carried a small du`aa’ book and would try my hardest to memorize as many ad`iyah (supplications) via the transliteration as I could. Whatever I was doing, I would open it to that page and I would just say it and I felt so content. Whether it was a du`aa’ for wearing new clothes, or a du`aa’ during a storm, seeking protection from al `ayn and what not, I would open my little book at that time.

Even a few years after accepting Islaam, I decided to print a few ad`iyah and tape them to our wall. We have the little pieces of paper taped next to our bed for the ad`iyah we say before sleeping and when we awake. I also put some by the front door for when we leave and come back in the house. For the most part they are memorized and if they aren’t, well the little papers stuck to the wall remind us immediately to say them.

Anyways, I want to get back into my habit, bi’ithnillaah. However, I don’t want to just jump into it and fall right back down but I would like to memorize certain supplications that I really need to know. If anyone of you needs to memorize, then do memorize with me. It would make me feel good if this became a task for not just myself but for others who decide to visit my miskeen blog.

What to say in times of hardship:

‘O Allaah, there is no ease except in that which You have made easy, and You make difficulty, if You wish, easy.’