Finding rest in the Remembrance of Allaah

Ramadan is in approximately 4 months, subhaanallaah!

May Allaah allow us to taste its sweetness this year. Aameen

Bismillah

Personal goals are an important part of our lives. They motivate us towards improving our lives, and help us straighten our priorities. They allow us to feel better about ourselves when we achieve our ultimate goal, and push us to aim higher. They can be goals to better our health, to improve our family life, or better our prayer; but somehow any area we push to better always revolves around the betterment of our deen. And that is something that we should keep in mind, as that will give us the ultimate push that we need to accomplish what we want, with Allaah’s help.

Personally, I love giving myself goals. The problem is that I don’t reach the end the majority of the time. I’ll hit a moment where I have an incredible high, write a list in my journal, and back down I’ll go. It is at that moment that my goals no longer seem realistic and I decide to put them aside for another time. But is that how important these goals are to me? Isn’t the point of setting goals for ourselves, to better our lives in some way or another?

How can I accomplish what I want? I want to fully understand the Qur’aan one day. I would love to only shop organic. I really want to start walking every single day. I need to drink more water. I desire to pick up every book in my library again. I… need to stop typing my goals out like this!

S = Specific
M = Measurable
A = Attainable
R = Realistic
T = Timely

Bismillaah

I came across this post, and once again my thoughts turned towards the topic of music. Before Islaam, music was an important part of my life. It was the hardest thing to let go of after my conversion but I somehow managed, walillaahil hamd. After I had my son, it became a trial for me again because of what others around me wanted him to watch and hear. I struggled with standing up to my in laws when they played their arabic music or when my mother in law wanted my son to watch shows that contained singing and dancing. I remember the first time I came across the opinion that music was allowed: I was shattered inside. My nafs al ‘amara immediately became a problem for me in this area. But I was stronger than that I thought and so I fought it with everything I had.

Then there was a time where I was convinced that musical instruments were allowed with conditions. I admit that I am still ignorant of the full argument for its allowance. But my heart doesn’t want to waiver the possibility that it is completely forbidden, without any doubts. For so long I told myself that the issue is at the least doubtful but my nafs al ‘amara got me. Now, because of the history of music in my life and the hardship it was to remove it, I think to myself that I don’t want my children going through this themselves. I don’t want them having to rid themselves of a love for music, that may possibly shield their hearts from the Qur’aan, and possibly push them towards some kind of evil that I even knew existed as a non-Muslimah. It’s not like we allow western music in our home, but we play anasheed that may contain more than the tambourine. We sometimes watch movies on our laptop, and we know that music is inevitable. I feel a bit stuck. I know that I can abstain from music. I can shut it out if I hear it in the background of a movie; however, children can not. I fear that if I am too strict with this, knowing that there is some small disagreement, that I may push my children to one day listen to music unrestrictedly.

Living in western societies has made it difficult for many Muslims to avoid music. Even in the Arab world, people are playing BSB’s, Shania Twain or their female whore-like singers. Ignorant, weak Muslims crave to be like the western world so much that they now have their music cd’s piled up in the first aisle of their stores, with the loud music playing in the background. So how do we avoid it? How do we teach our children to avoid it? How do we deal with the new anasheed phenomenon? Do we listen to Dawud, Yusuf? Or do we just stick to Mishary and Ahmed?

Last week I spoke to a sister who reminded me that Allaah is the one who guides. We were speaking about raising children, and all of the fears that come with having them. She reminded me that Prophet Lut, Prophet Nuh and our own Messenger Muhammad(`alayhim salam) had people (wife, son, uncle) who were misguided. We would expect that out of anyone, they would have the entirety of their families guided but that was not the case. So I struggle with myself and I ask myself many questions. Do I do my best and hope for the best? Or do I fail a little bit because of my own fears, hoping for the best but possibly still lose?

May Allaah aid us to what is better and safer for our Iman, aameen.

Here are a few fataawa on the issue of Music. Some explain the issue in depth and others offer more of simple advice.

Music and Singing: A Detailed Fatwa

Is spiritual music with instruments allowed?

Music at the Gym

Spiritual Music with Instruments

Music that sings about good things

What do I do about background noise?

Can I eat at a restaurant which plays music?

Bismillaah

When I was pregnant, I found cleaning my apartment a huge task. I don’t understand why it always felt so overwhelming then, but I suppose it could have been due to me constantly being dead tired. However, now I am no longer pregnant and it still feels like a big task, just not as big. It bothers me to see clutter, dirty dishes, food on the table, unfolded clothes, dirty clothes needing to be washed or even an itty bitty stain on the carpet from a recent spill. But what bothers me even more is the bathroom being dirty. I feel so nasty if the bathroom isn’t cleaned. It may look clean but if I feel it isn’t, I go nuts inside. I have to scrub the tub, even if it looks clean. I have to scrub the sink, the mirror with Windex, wash the floor, and clean the toilet etc. at least once a week. Does everyone feel what I feel? I highly doubt it! Atleast, it seems so when I visit Muslim restaurants.

Why is it that Muslim restaurants tend to have filthy bathrooms? We are talking not being cleaned for months straight! The mirrors are full of water spots, the floor is full of shoe traces and mud stains, water that you sometimes wonder if it is ‘just’ water, unclean toilets that make you gag, istinjaa bottles that probably will give infections and walls that are full of mold sometimes. I always thought Muslims knew that bathrooms needed to stay clean. It doesn’t mean perfect, but at the very least decent enough to want to enter it. Alhamdulillaah, Islaam has clearly showed us the importance of cleanliness and we need not be heedless of it.

The Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu `alayhi wa sallam) said, “Islaam is clean, so cleanse yourselves, for only the cleansed shall enter Paradise.” [At-Tabarani]

In another hadeeth he said, “Stay clean as best you can, for Allaah established Islaam upon cleanliness.” [Ar-Rafi`i]

Anytime I decide to use a public bathroom, I sanitize my area before and afterwards. As Muslims, we should be clean enough to as a minimum do that. Just imagine all the types of bacteria floating around. Oh and let us not forget to clean after ourselves in the Masjid, please.

Anyhow, I really am going crazy at the moment. The hardest task for me is putting clothes away. As I wrote in my tagged entry, the one thing that I can’t do is that. They are eventually going to come out again, aren’t they? Sigh. But what sucks is that even though I think like that, it bothers the heck out of me. It makes me feel really blah sometimes. Just seeing the apartment nice and tidy makes me feel so much better about myself. It’s truly amazing how much it can benefit my Iman and encourage me to partake in so many other activities. That is why our Beloved (sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam) said, “Cleanliness is one-half of Iman.”

Well, basically I’m tired of seeing clothes not being put away, and that is why I am going to make some goals for myself in this regard. I hope that I will be able to improve in this area as I feel it is detrimental to my goal of becoming a better Muslimah.

The goal: To fold clothes, and put them away immediately so that there is more space, no clutter and so that I feel better spiritually, bi’ithnillaah.

Mini goal: To put the clothes in the closet for 2 weeks straight. If I break my goal before the 2 weeks, I will continue to start the 2 week mark again, until I am able to go 2 weeks clutter free, insha’Allaah!

How to achieve:

1. I need to get rid of any clothes we haven’t worn for a year, and hang up anything that needs to be hung up.
2. After washing, I need to fold them immediately and separate them.
3. Hang up right then and there. If I am busy with something else, I will focus my eyes towards this first, insha’Allaah.

So make du`aa’ for me! I really NEED to do this. May Allaah aid me with it, Aameen!

Bismillaah

as-Salaamu `alaykum wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatuhu

By the Mercy of Allaah, I gave birth to our 2nd child on Monday, May 7th 2007 at 4:06 A.M. His name is Zakariya and he weighed 6 pounds and 11 ounces and was just a little short from being 19 inches long. He looks so similar to how Layth looked at birth masha’allaah, but has his own uniqueness. Please do keep him in your ad`iyah if you can. He has high levels of bilirubin in his blood that we are trying to get under control, bi’ithnillaahi ta`alaa.

I gave birth via a VBAC and alhamdulillaahi rabbil `alaameen it was very successful. I was in labor for many hours and experienced a pain that is indescribable. I could only keep myself sane via dhikr and du`aa’. I had no idea what labor felt like because Layth came out via a cesarean due to a heart abnormality (which is now gone alhamdulillaah). I was told it was painful and I did my reading. I watched Discovery Health Channel and wasn’t ignorant of what occurs but to experience it myself was a totally different thing. The experience was one that I hope never to forget and one that has left me in awe.

I’m so grateful to Allaah for giving me my husband who stood by me so patiently. My husband doesn’t realize how much more I appreciate him in my life. Knowing he was there made it so much easier, even though it was still very painful and holding his hand through it all was how I sought comfort in him. May Allaah grant him good and save him from the harm of others, aameen.

It’s amazing to be a mother of 2 children. It isn’t easy having to start over with a baby, and having a four year old but with Allaah’s Help I hope Allaah makes it easy. They are so beautiful and it puts me in tears to just think of the blessing it is to be a mother and to know that I have such a great companion.

Cherish your families. They will one day go back to their Creator but till then love them as much as you can. They are completely worth it. Alhamdulillaah

Bismillaah

We’re all pretty sick (or getting there). I am very sick and have so many tasks to finish, my husband has his finals coming up, Layth has a bad cough and I have a baby due next month insha’Allaah. Please make du`aa’ for us all and the upcoming baby if you can in your prostrations, spare time etc… insha’Allaah

Jazaakum Allaahu khairan

Bismillaah

I was browsing, looking for new blogs on people’s links and I came across brother NaseehaMan’s blog. His blog, comics, posts are all still online but he isn’t: he is gone. It just suddenly ‘hit’ me that he is dead but at the same time I feel confused. I feel the exact same way when I think of my husband’s step father. I know he is gone but it’s weird. Did it really happen? Is Zuhayr still online because his posts are still there? Maybe he is too busy or is a bit sick again to update? Is Bill still there because his truck is still there?  Maybe he is on another fishing trip?

Why do our minds do this to us? Sometimes I wake up and I remember all of the deaths that have taken place of people I know, people I don’t know and I feel like a stranger in my own body. Sometimes as I sit down and have a conversation with someone, I wonder if I really am there. I may close my eyes for a few seconds, and the minute that I open them, I feel as if I am dreaming and watching my dream as it takes place. Suddenly, I’ll snap out of it and I realize that I’m really there.

I remember asking my husband a few weeks after the death of his step father, did he really die? He looked at me with a strange look and I realized what I had just asked. I sat down on the edge of the bed and wondered why I felt as if it was all so unreal, even though it didn’t take much to remember that I knew very well that he passed because I saw him with my own eyes.

It isn’t that I’m questioning Allaah’s Decree at all but I simply forget that it took place. It’s a feeling that I don’t really like.

Bismillaah

You go about your daily things, just like any other day and then suddenly your life ends. It’s a reminder for us all that every day of our lives should be lived as if it were our last and that preparing ourselves, our families etc… for it is something we have to think about now. This brother who was shot and killed (may Allaah have mercy on his soul, aameen) at Virginia Tech is now gone and has left behind a family. Please, let us not hesitate to remind ourselves and those around us to prepare for the aakhirah by atleast decreasing in sin and to think realistically. Write down your will, leave your children under the custody of trusted Muslims if you and your spouse are both to pass. Just prepare for it. It’s not easy losing someone unexpectedly and knowing they didn’t think realistically because they kept putting things off. We’ve been through it with the past death and it just put so many things into perspective for us. May Allaah allow us to really take heed, aameen

You can donate towards the cause of helping this brother’s family here. Keep the brother and his family in your ad`iyah (and really do). Imagine if that was you and your family. Remember the etiquette of supplication and the times when it is most accepted. May Allaah grant him firdaws al `ala and may He bring his family and all of us closer to Allaah, aameen

To keep updated check out http://www.muslimmatters.org and may Allaah reward them, aameen

Bismillaah

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُواقُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ وَالْحِجَارَةُ

“O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families a fire whose fuel is men and stones…”

I can be angry, stressed out, wanting to shun everyone out of my world but it only takes a moment of my son’s purity to make me smile. I watch and listen to him as he goes about his day and I can’t help but contemplate on this innocence he holds. It is an innocence that many children lose when they grow but an innocence that can be retained with proper guidance and the Mercy of Allaah.

When I first got pregnant with my son, I knew what responsibilities would come with a child but I still hadn’t fully realized it. Was it possible to realize it without having experienced it? I don’t believe so. I tried preparing for it as much as I could but with many things I’ve had to go through the ups and the downs to learn what is good and what is bad for my son. I’ve learned to become aware of the good and the bad through my religion which has taught me just that but sometimes finding the proper way of cultivating the good within a child is difficult. It is even more challenging due to our own ignorance and shortcomings, the areas where we may live and so on.

How do you instill within a child something that he sees other Muslims failing at? How do you tell a child to respect the Masjid when the ‘big people’ can’t even respect a Masjid? As parents we are the example for our children no matter what but they tend to look elsewhere too. If you teach them that Muslims are this or that, they expect the Muslims to be exactly that. It’s hard when you have to face the ‘real world’ and explain to your precious that not everyone does it. And it is true that as parents we also fail in front of our children and it is just as hard to explain to them why we have failed. Their minds to me are like the mind I had when I first accepted Islaam, that of a fresh new baby. I expected such great love for Islaam and Muslims (a warm welcome from everyone) etc. but when confronted with the reality, I was deeply crushed. So how does one do it? In a time where Muslims are being looked down upon, when many converts find themselves keeping ties with their families who may not be so pleased with Islaam and may sometimes try to pull small remarks, how do we explain to our children the beauty of being Muslim when they see the lack of appreciation with their own eyes and hear attacks with their own ears? Our children are not dumb but they just need our guidance.

My son asks me so many questions throughout the day and I am very open with him. I realize that there are many things he can’t understand yet but at the same time I realize that he isn’t stupid. I remember that one of the first topics that he started inquiring about was regarding cartoons. He would take it to heart and I just couldn’t deal with him living in a fantasy world. As a child, I was raised believing santa was real and that los reyes magos were real. I made sure that my letters were out on time. I cried when I didn’t get what I wanted. I believed there was a such thing as a princess and a prince and I grew up believing that one day I could have that for myself. It was actually the only thing that gave me hope amongst all of the problems my parents had. I recall the moment where I found out that santa wasn’t true and that los reyes weren’t really going to leave toys by my shoes. I was crushed. Obviously, I wasn’t Muslim but you know I have seen the common little Muslim kid brainwashed with the same rubbish. [Part of which I will mention in upcoming posts, bi'ithnillaah]

So what did I feel when my son started getting into cartoons and believing they were real? Well, I actually didn’t start the topic. He asked me one day, ‘Are monsters real?’ I, without hesitation, said ‘No.’ Since then, my son has understood that there is a difference between real and fake. I don’t know the extent of his understanding but I know that he knows that they aren’t real. We have even gone into the whole ‘How are cartoons made?’ and the boy is only 3 years old. Believe it or not, people actually wonder why I do this. Sometimes I get praises (as they hear him speak and start asking me what I taught him) and there have been times where I was told that I need to let him have his imagination as well. But where do we draw the line? Do we break it to them one day, out of the blue? Do we wait until they hit puberty, until they figure it out themselves or from strangers?

It is our duty as parents to allow our children to be children but children are going to be adults one day as well. That is the cycle of life. I allow my son to play, have his fun and I don’t say anything but when he comes to me and requests an answer, I should be responsible enough to provide it. That is part of the responsibility that comes with being a mama or a baba. It’s astonishing to see how many adolescents still live in a fairy-tale story. I don’t blame them. They were raised like that. They don’t want to grow up because they were raised to be children for a longer amount of time, even if they have hit puberty.

As I watch my son play and say the darndest things, I cry sometimes. I cry because I realize that he is a huge package for me and that everything I say and everything I do will be analyzed by him. Sometimes he faces a situation where he recalls that mama said such a thing is not right or that as Muslims we don’t do it, and if I am present the first thing he does is look at me and wait for my response or a simple reaction that will hint to him what he should think or do. Again, he is 3 years old but I am sure many parents have noticed this. Some may not get to experience it, especially if their children aren’t used to being taken care of by the parents themselves or if they just don’t have good communication. I call it the look of guidance because that is what they are seeking.

Haven’t we noticed that when a child is off playing, he may often look back to mama or baba and then quickly turn around? It is because knowing that their parents are there gives them that security they need. If the parents are not present, they will feel out of place and may stop playing until they find their parents. This is just part of them knowing who they are in this wheel of life. But do we as parents truly understand who we are in this wheel?

We are those who will either make or break our kids. We are the ones preparing them for the cruel world out there and without our guidance our children may give into things that they shouldn’t. Of course, no one is perfect but we try our best. If we expect our children to pray, they need to know that we too pray. If we expect our children to be truthful, we need to be truthful as well. If we want our daughters to love covering from the minute they reach puberty, they need to be taught the beauty of being believing servants and what it takes to be such. We should guide them by being their main example and constantly encouraging them towards good.

We can’t sit on the fence and expect for them to just learn on their own. This is contrary to human nature. We are all in need of guidance and that is why Allaah always sent Prophets and Messengers to mankind. Without this guidance, we surely would be lost. So if our children ask us questions, we shouldn’t be afraid to answer. Yes, wisdom should be used but if the truth is the truth, don’t be afraid to share it with them - atleast in the issues that will affect them from that moment on. They are so innocent and if we don’t guide them in the proper direction, others may start filling our shoes and as I mentioned above, they may be learning the reality of things from strangers. Is that who they should be learning the truth from? What if these strangers only misguide our chidren? Surely, we will be accountable in front of Allaah for it.

Also, a question arises. What if someone is not capable of teaching their children because of their own lack of knowledge? The answer is quite simple. We look for guidance as well. We also shouldn’t be afraid to show our children that we may not know and remind them that we fail as human beings as well (as long as we instill in them the importance of trying and repentance). That may actually instill with them the characteristic that many of us have been trying so hard to attain; humility.

May Allaah make our children and us from amongst those who remember Allaah, thank Allaah and do good deeds, aameen

Bismillaah

It’s very depressing to think that so many of the things we use could be the cause of the majority of health problems. There are so many studies that link this or that to such and such disease and sometimes you just sit there and wonder ‘What is safe anymore?’ As Muslims though (as my husband reminded me) we can do two things. Firstly, remember to accept the Qadr of Allaah (the good and the bad) by placing our trust in Him and secondly, we can do our part by atleast putting an effort towards betterment of our lives.

With that in mind, I hope that as parents we can look more into the lifestyles we provide for our children. If we can find ways to better protect them, we should do our best to take those paths insha’Allaah. Below are some interesting articles for people who are health conscious. If you aren’t, then it may be time to start thinking of your health which is a trust upon you from Allaah.

The following should interest anyone who uses plastics (plastic baby bottles, sports water bottles, food storage containers, etc.. etc..!), eats food from cans and what not!

New Studies Link Asthma, Prostate Cancer to Toxic Chemicals

Two new studies link diseases with exposure to low levels of chemical pollution. One study suggests the chemical Bisphenol-A, found in some plastic bottles and food cans, can promote prostate cancer. The other study finds small amounts of pesticides can stimulate allergic reactions, including asthma. Dr. Pete Myers, chief scientist for Environmental Health Sciences, tells host Steve Curwood about the studies.

Plastic Containers

What to look for

Safer plastics–#2HDPE, #4LDPE, and #5PP

What to look out for

Risky Plastics–#3 PVC, #6 PS, and #7 Other (Usually Polycarbonate)

Tips and Alternatives

Here are a few suggestions you can follow to reduce plastics and toxic exposure in your home:

• Avoid single-use, disposable packaging

• Buy food in glass or metal containers

• Avoid heating food in plastic containers

• Avoid storing fatty foods, such as meat and cheese, in plastic containers or plastic wrap

• Bring your own containers to salad bars, yogurt shops, etc.–anywhere you’ll be served in plastic

• Avoid plastic cutlery and dinnerware, especially when cooking or heating food; use stainless steel or wooden utensils and look for recycled paper products.

• Use wood instead of plastic cutting boards and spray your wooden board with a mist of vinegar, then with a mix of hydrogen peroxide, to kill bacteria

• When purchasing cling-wrapped food from the supermarket or deli, slice off a thin layer where the food came into contact with the plastic and store the rest in a glass or ceramic container, or non-PVC cling wrap (see Shopping Suggestions)

• You can also write a letter to manufacturers of food and drink packaged in plastics, indicating your concern about plastics–especially if their packaging is #3, #6 or #7. Tell them you are actively seeking products packaged in safe, reusable glass, metal and recycled paper. Ask manufacturers for a mailing address by calling their toll-free question/comment line, usually listed on the back of the product; alternatively, you can find their mailing address on their website.

Eating organic produce reduces a child’s organophosphate exposure

Children eating organic are less likely to be consuming inappropriate levels of organophosphate pesticides.