I miss my family so much. I had my husband’s mother over for the weekend and it was quite nice but it made me miss my mom, my brothers and sister. As for my father… sigh… there are too many problems there but I do miss him.

…I feel quite lonely sometimes. I wonder many times who my real friends truly are and I realize true friends are few but I am thankful for the one true friend I know I have in this dunyaa and that is my beloved husband, may Allaah protect him always, aameen

I’ve always been rebellious and I know I can be a bit hard-headed sometimes and it really does suck. It’s hard to break myself of some habits and it is hard to sometimes accept my own shortcomings but it feels good when I am able to recognize a mistake and accept it.

… I miss parts of my old self. I used to read all the time and bringing it back to a habit has been hard.

I admit that I have so many saved drafts for my blog that I never dare to publish. They are opinions on so many topics but I am afraid to share them with the world and it kills me because that’s why I write them. My latest entry is called ‘The Ideal Muslimah’ but I just can’t press publish.

… I love sitting down and watching our fish tank. It soothes my heart.

In a few weeks our life will be changing again, insha’Allaah and I am very stressed about it. I don’t know how well I will handle the changes and sometimes I cry because of it.

…I hate lacking in my deen and I hate knowing that I’m not the best mother and wife I could be.

I hate how much I think. I think way too much. I wake up in the middle night suddenly and just think about every possible thing until I feel like I am going to go insane.

…I want to make up my mind on one particular matter but me and my husband haven’t came to an agreement on it yet and it sucks. It’s minor but still important.

I love my son. He’s my darling… he can be such a 3 year old lol but I just adore that boy masha’allaah, may Allaah protect him from harm, aameen

make du`aa’ for my family’s guidance please